Stranded (A Deltarune Fanfic)
by Greg Jonson
Summary: Kris is alone. And to make things even worse, as he struggles to find friendship and understanding with the people around him, something odd begins to happen inside his head. Which voice will he listen to? / This work of fiction aims to connect the worlds of Undertale and Deltarune. Rated T for the topic of depression and other mental issues. / This story will remain unfinished.
1. 01 - Prologue

_There are a couple of things that I'd like to make clear before we begin._

 _First of all, the first spark of inspiration for this story came from The Game Theorist video called 'The Tragedy of Deltarune' where MatPat theorised about how the entire journey into the dark world was simply Kris' imagination as they played with Susie trying to break her out of her shell. There's much more about that particular theory, but what's important for this story is that **nobody who originates in the dark world actually exists** and therefore will not make an appearance. I'm sorry if this disappoints any of you. Nevertheless, this is particularly a story about Kris and what goes on in their mind._

 _Number two: I write this at the time when only the first chapter of Deltarune had been released. If other chapters exist by the time you read this, chances are this story will have some canonical inaccuracies. Forgive me for that as well. However, I feel like this fanfic isn't as much about expanding the universe of Deltarune and/or Undertale as it is about using known characters to tell a story that I feel needs to be told._

 _And finally: This story will be dealing with depression and other related mental issues. If you're uncomfortable with this topic, consider this your warning. If you're interested, I hope you will enjoy!_

* * *

 **PROLOGUE**

The king wasn't happy. One could even say he was unhappy.

The tension between the humans and his own kind was rising steadily. It had been going on for a couple of months without a real reason, at least it seemed that way to the king and all monsters. And yet the human hostility towards them was becoming more and more obvious by the day.

Apparently, it only took a couple of fanatics to turn all of mankind on their side. These ambitious leaders openly warned about the monster's hypothetical abilities to absorb the souls of the humans they had killed and become dangerously powerful. This was true; but it hadn't happened in centuries, not since the two races agreed to rule the surface together in peace. Monsters were far from being as bloodthirsty as humans thought and feared. But with the two communities being so inclusive, it was hard for the two sides to discuss anything.

The king was afraid that at this scale, a human attack was only a matter of time. His council agreed with him, but nobody knew what to do. No-one in the entire monster kingdom, as far as the council was concerned, wanted to hurt any humans. And because their willingness to fight, or lack of it, would transfer into their physical strength if it actually came to that point, there was no doubt that the monsters would face a real possibility of a genocide.

The throne room reeked of despair and the harsh atmosphere that creeped upon the kingdom. The king was alone, sitting on his throne with his face buried in his hands. He had just sent his council outside; he needed a break from the constant talking and dealing with everyone's annoyed mood. It was a good thing he stopped bringing little Asgore to these meetings, he didn't want him to see how everybody's spirits break. In the meantime, Asgore had been helping his mother in the garden. It looked like he was becoming really passionate about flowers. Not the most kingly characteristic, but at that moment, the king was glad that at least his son found some peace in these times.

He stood up and slowly walked towards the window. It was a beautiful day outside. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming... Just as he suspected, the king saw a handful of gardeners attending to their work outside, and Asgore was hopping around them, helping in any way he could with his little hands. The king had to smile. What he would give to be able to be down there with him, help him water the golden flowers and not worry about ruling or preventing a war.

There was no denying it, the kingdom had to prepare their defences in order to protect its own peace. The king only hoped that keeping his son's life in mind in battle would give him enough willpower to repulse the human attackers.

Just as he was readying to call in Gerson to inform his troops about this, a weird noise cut the silence of the throne room. The best way to describe the sound would be the opposite of explosion, like hundreds of small particles were pulled in violently by a strong force to form a shape. And indeed, there was suddenly a person lying on the floor face down, quietly moaning and putting themselves together.

The king reflexively pulled out his trident, but was hesitant to be on alert. On one hand, the intruder looked a little bit like a human -arms, legs, a bald head, by the looks of it. But on the other hand, if this were a human wizard trying to sneak in and assasinate him, they did a terrible job at it. The king thought that the humans would have at least sent in someone more... suitable for the job.

On top of that, when he shook off the initial surprise, he could feel the stranger's monster soul. Even though there was something offsetting about it, this was without a doubt one of their own; but he didn't recall ever seeing them.

The monster got up to their knees and took a deep breath.

"wow, ok. _something_ definitely happened," they said to themselves. "is this the right place? or the right time, for all that matter?"

"Ahem." The king cleared his throat to make his presence known to the stranger, and he put his trident away again. "Howdy! How can I..."

The monster looked at him. The king stared right into the face of a reanimated human skull. Their eye sockets were softly shining with a blue light, almost as if they reflected the light of a blue flame burning right in the middle of the eyes, but the fire itself was missing. A few flashes of red color intertwined with the blue light every now and then.

"oh! hello there. i didn't see you, my bad." The skeleton stood up and took a good look around. "are we in the throne room?"

"Um, yes?" said the king.

"cool. are we on the surface?"

The king paused with his mouth opened. What kind of question was this? Of course they were on the surface, monsters weren't living in caves under a mountain or anything.

"it doesn't look like _our_ throne room, anyway," the other monster continued. "i think we made it. fella," he looked right at the king; "you wouldn't happen to be king Asgoliath himself, would you?"

"Why, yes, I am," said the king. He felt his patience slipping away; the stranger had yet to introduce himself, and the more he talked, the more confused Asgoliath was. The skeleton's entrance was weird enough on its own, but the mystery surrounding him was deepening even further every second, and the king didn't know what to make of it.

He stepped closer towards the monster. "Excuse me," he spoke up, "but would you care to explain what any of this means?"

"whoops, sorry 'bout all that," the stranger replied and stratched his head. "i'm still wrapping my head around all this too, i forgot how confused you might be, your majesty."

The skeleton's eyes closed for a second, and when he re-opened them, the odd lighting was gone. Asgoliath was looking into a pair of empty eye sockets; but this sight was ironically perhaps more calming than the light show which preceded.

"my name is sans. sans the skeleton." The monster bowed his head slightly and smiled. "and i came to you with a warning."

"Warning?" The king sighed. "Gosh, we're drowning in warnings these days. Is this about the humans too?"

"humans, huh? so we _did_ get a good timing, too, i suppose." Sans' expression didn't change, he looked just as relaxed as before.

"My apologies, mister Sans, but..." Asgoliath took a step forward and tried to look as authoritative as he could. "If I may, I would like to know exactly who you are and where you come from. I think I know most monsters in my kingdom, but I have never seen anyone like _you_ around."

"i'll take that as a compliment," said the skeleton and winked. "let me be honest, on any other day, i would just tell bad jokes until you don't ask any personal questions. but something inside me is telling me that now's not the time for that."

"Then what _is_ the time for now? It sure must be urgent if you decided to invade the throne room so rudely. You didn't even knock on the door."

Sans chuckled. "oh yeah. totally missed the opportunity there. welp, first of all, it may be best if we don't involve anybody else in this, so i didn't wanna have to walk by everyone on the way here. secondly and more importantly, it's quite difficult to move through shortcuts if you're not sure where they lead. the fact that we made it into this room, by the time you're alive, nonetheless, is really kind of a miracle."

Asgoliath was just about to question the "we" in the monster's sentence, but a different word asked for his attention more urgently. "Alive? What's that supposed to mean?"

"yeah, total spoiler alert, i'm really sorry. but that's part of the reason why i'm here." Sans came closer towards the king, and his face suddenly turned way more serious. "the war between monsters and humans... it might happen any day now, is that right?"

"Well... we are all fearing that, but it's still not certain."

"trust me, where i come from, the war _did_ happen. the humans were victorious." There was just a hint of intimidating light in the skeleton's eyes while he spoke. "monsters were facing complete annihilation. they imprisoned what was left of us inside a mountain and sealed the entrance with a magic barrier which could only be broken by the same amount of power that created it, the power of seven human souls. the surface was lost to us, and we suffered."

Asgoliath was speechless for a moment, a rather rare occasion for him. "How do you know all this?" he finally asked.

"welp, i was there." Sans shrugged. "i mean i wasn't there from the very beginning of it, but i saw the aftermath. it wasn't a nice sight."

"So you just... traveled here from the future? I've never thought that to be possible! How do I know you're not making this all up?"

"you don't." The king's guest reached out to him with his right hand and grinned. "you'll just have to take my word for it."

Asgoliath hesitated for a moment. None of this made any sense whatsoever. A complete stranger showed up, claiming he has seen -no, _been in_ the future, which in itself was ridiculous; and warned him about the consequences of a war that was just about to happen.

But on the other side, Sans seemed honestly troubled, and at this point, the king would probably shake anyone's hand if it meant saving his kingdom. He lifted his arm and with a forced smile took the skeleton's hand into his.

A farting noise resonated throughout the chamber.

"i'm sorry, your majesty, i couldn't resist," the monster smirked and showed the baffled king a tiny pillow which he had been hiding in his hand. At one side it morphed into a short hose. Asgoliath assumed that the thing was filled with air, and when their hands pressed against it, it made the farting sound as it was being pressed through the hose.

"by the way," said Sans as he was putting the cushion into his pocket, "i bet you didn't invent _these_ yet. maybe that's a proof that i'm from the future, whaddya think?"

The king suddenly laughed. This little trick definitely cut the tension a small bit.

"Alright now," he spoke up. "You have my attention. Tell me: why did you come from... wherever you came from, to tell me about the war? Do you have an idea as to how should we prevent it from happening?"

"maybe. it's definitely worth a try." With absolute platitude, Sans sat down into one of the empty chairs and put his legs on the table; Asgoliath gazed upon a pair of fluffy purple slippers. "i happened to know a human, you know. or, i guess i will know her. depends on how you look at it.

the mountain had an unguarded second entrance. a couple of humans had fallen inside over time. i only got to really know the last one. a small girl, filled with determination to always do the right thing. a real sweetie and a delight to hang out with."

The skeleton chuckled, but suddenly tilted his head to the side, as if he was listening to someone else talk. "i know, i'm sorry. but it's all true," he responded to that unheard sentence.

"So I take it that you took a liking in this human child?" Asgoliath asked as he sat down on his throne. "Was it not dangerous? If the humans were so cruel to you..."

"yeah, that's what everyone else thought at first," said Sans. "but this kid had proven everybody wrong. she was so kind, pure-hearted and innocent that the entire underground decided to maybe give humanity a second chance. well, third chance, really. but it's not my place to talk about about what happened with the second one."

"I find it hard to believe that a single human child changed everyone's mind like that."

The skeleton looked at the doubtful king with a face of endless patience and such a trustworthy persuasion that Asgoliath couldn't help but feel all of his uncertainties vanish in the air. Sans had no reason to lie to him, and although every word he said left more questions unanswered than not, he was honest the entire time.

"what matters," the guest continued, "is that we learned over time that there are humans who mean no harm to us. it was no use to put them all into one basket. and you guys shouldn't make the same mistake."

"What do you mean?"

"we both, monsters and humans, are born peaceful. and most of us want things to stay that way. i bet the fact that you're fighting now is only because you don't take enough time to get to know one another."

"Well... that may be true. Our races don't meet very much, with the exception of merchants, probably."

"see? the humans fear you because you're leaving too much to their imagination. they don't know you don't want a war, or maybe they don't wanna know. makes little difference."

Sans stood up and took a step closer towards Asgoliath. And there it was again, a sudden hint of a red and blue flash in the skeleton's eyes. When it went by, his face was suddenly more serious and urgent.

"walk among the humans," he told the king. "do it yourself, or send others. start with those who are closer towards the bottom, they don't care about politics, so they're more likely to listen. show them who monsters truly are, show them they don't have to fear you. get to know each other better. it's not too late."

"Is it not?" Asgoliath sighed. "Sans, your words are meaningful, but... what you suggest will take a lot of time and patience. I'm afraid we don't have time, and the humans have no patience."

"you're the king, your majesty. you are the future of monsters and humans, you can't give up just yet." The skeleton narrowed his back and smiled once again. "it's your best bet, anyway. i know it ain't gonna be easy, but you have to stay determined. if you persuade enough people, they won't listen to the naysayers anymore. not one ruler, but his people are those who have the power to change things. but i'm sure i don't have to tell ya."

"I..." The king wasn't fully convinced. Achieving peace without a single clash of weapons? It was just what he needed, but at the same time, the stranger's task wouldn't be easy. Sending any monster beyond the borders of his kingdom seemed like a huge risk in these times, and even then, who would guarantee that it'd be good for anything? _If_ monsters and humans started to openly communicate more, and _if_ the humans would see their peaceful intentions, and _if_ enough of them were to refuse to fight, and _if_ the human leaders would even take that into consideration... It all seemed way too far fetched at that point.

But it was still a better plan than any other that they had so far.

"I have to think about this," he said out loud. "I don't think I can decide on our next step on my own. Let me bring in the council, and you can tell them what you just told me."

"nah, that's not a good call," Sans refused. "if you want to, you can tell them this was your own idea. but i'd rather not get involved into that more than i have to."

"But why? They would listen to you. You've been there, you've thought about this for some time, I'm certain. It's definitely going to be more convinving from you."

"i'd just rather be your secret little advisor for now. chances are, i -or, another version of me -is gonna be born some time in the future. i'd rather not be a historical figure by that point. besides..." The skeleton awkwardly scratched his head, and he actually looked uneasy for a second. "folks would ask about how i even got here to begin with."

Asgoliath rose his head. "Yes, I would quite like to know that too. I don't think any monster should have the power to go back through time, it's just beyond our natural-"

And then, within a fraction of a single moment, all the dots in the king's head finally connected, and his eyes widened with realisation.

"Oh," he said.

"yep." Sans was apparently glad that he didn't have to explain anything to Asgoliath. "it was her idea."

The king had gotten lost in his thoughts for a while. His fingers tapped on the table before him as he was reaching a conclusion.

"Alright," he eventually spoke up. "I will do what you suggest. I'll tell everyone that this came from my own head. But," he stood up; "if I may ask this of you, I would like you to help us with our effort, should the council agree with your idea. As one of the many monsters sent to speak with the humans. Your secret will be safe with me," Asgoliath added with a soft smile.

Sans was tremendously relieved. "thank you, your majesty. welp, i guess i should get going now. let you have your meeting. there's little time to waste, and you've got a... _skele-ton_ of work to do:"

The king snorted.

"thanks. it's nice to say that to someone who doesn't know it yet," said the skeleton, and disappeared in the air before Asgoliath could say another word to him.

"Wait-" he called out into the empty room, but it was too late. The king paused just to be able to take in everything that happened.

Sans the skeleton appeared out of nowhere, offered them a way out of this mess, and then left again within a blink of an eye. For all Asgoliath knew, it could have been his own mind playing a trick on him.

If Sans was real, though, the king would forever be in his debt.


	2. 02 - Something New

**CHAPTER I: Something New**

 _"Susie..."_

 _"What?"_

 _"You... don't wanna go back to class, do you?"_

 _"Nah."_

 _"Well, I just... thought we could... stay here... and... play something?"_

Kris didn't really feel like himself that day. Even less than usual, that is.

It started off with a strange dream. He floated in a void, shapeless, waiting to have his entire look and personality assigned to him -by whom, he did not know. At the end of it, he seemed to obtain the ability to influence the dream, and decided to immediately discard his newly formed self. He didn't like it when people told him who he _should_ be and how he _should_ behave. He was who he was, and nobody had the right to tell him to be anyone else.

With that, Kris woke up -just in time to see mom enter the bedroom and inform him that he overslept. But as though he was still halfway inside that dream, getting up and dressed took him an awful lot of time that morning. His gaze circled around the room, and the boy realised that it was full of... things. Well, Asriel's half, anyway. Kris began to notice the small details: his brother's trophies, game collection, even the angle at which the sun rays crawled onto his empty bed through the window. These things had been there all the time, but he never actually saw them.

 _If this happened on a weekend day,_ he thought to himself, _I'd stay home all day and dig through all of Asriel's stuff._ It hit him out of nowhere: his brother was gone. He'd only been at college for a couple of months now, but so far, Kris had successfully been avoiding this realisation just so he wouldn't have to deal with the fact that he missed Asriel so much. He was his best friend and role model.

Or he used to be. For the life of him, Kris suddenly couldn't remember what it felt like to have an older brother in his life. Asriel didn't call that often, and when he did, Kris just told mom to say hi for him. One part of him wanted to hear the fluffy boy's voice again, yes; but the other part was... perhaps mad at him for leaving?

This absent-mindedness stayed with him throughout the entire car ride to school, and he barely even made it to class in complete conscience. As luck would have it, Ms Alphys had just announced they'd do group projects, and because of his morning episode, there wasn't anybody left to team up with Kris.

Except for Susie, but she wasn't an ideal project partner. The fact that she came to class even later than himself without an apology kind of spoke for itself -though it might have been a good sign that she showed up at all. Probably got yelled at by her mother again; Susie's behavior always improved slightly for two or three days after that, even if just to appease her parent. That, however, didn't prevent her from taking out her frustration on others. Kris was her favourite target.

 _"I'm not playing by your stupid rules, alright? You go on your little adventure if you want, but I'm only here because I don't wanna go out there."_

 _"Fine! ...Well, Kris, it looks like it's just the two of us, then."_

 _"And quit talking to yourself, weirdo."_

 _"That's not me, that's Ralsei!"_

 _"It's...! You know, whatever."_

Unlike others, with a possible exception of Noelle, Kris knew that there was more to Susie than met the eye. He remembered her way back in the day, before her dad died. She wasn't really a social butterfly, and the two of them didn't talk that often. But she was definitely nicer than her present day self. It was only recently that she became the troublemaker.

And Kris knew how much feeling vulnerable can affect someone's personality.

That was part of why, when the opportunity presented itself to him, he convinced Susie to spend some time with him in the unused classroom. Carefully, little by little, he encouraged her to open up more and more, trying to find a way to help her out -if in no other way, then by showing her that he was supportive. Everyone deserved at least a small bit of happiness, that's what he believed.

 _"Really? This is the best design you could think of?"_

 _"Come on, it's a cute duck!"_

 _"Kris... It. Is. A. DUCK. That's not really a murder weapon."_

 _"You still gotta build it!"_

In Kris' opinion, Susie just needed someone who'd treat her well, despite the fact she was actively pushing others to stay the heck away from her. She had to see that letting others close to her didn't necessarily have to hurt in the end. He saw Susie for who she _could_ be, and he wanted to help her get there.

Some very quiet, subconscious, 0.5-percent part of his mind was also telling him that he could maybe use this kind of approach on himself rather than other people, but Kris didn't give that thought more voice than it needed to barely exist.

 _"Hey... Get away from my friend!"_

 _"Heh heh he-"_

 _"Kris, NO! I'm the voice of this guy!"_

 _"Okay, sorry! Jeez!"_

The truth was, if Kris were to stop making an idiot of himself for Susie's sake and think really hard for a while, he'd realise that this was pretty out-of-character for him. He wasn't likely to even start a conversation with anyone at any given moment unless there was a real reason to. Believing he'd just be a time waster to others, he prefered staying in the background, looking, listening, looking for information -all so he could learn about people without actually having to interact with them. Sometimes Kris would hear the word "creepy" being associated with him. If only they knew he was just too shy to just... talk, and find friends without a reason. And being the only human within a five mile radius didn't make the matters any easier.

That's what Asriel used to be here for; he was the popular one, he was the big brother who helped him get through such struggles, encouraged him to be more open, and always placed him before any of his own friends. But Asriel wasn't here for him anymore, and Kris didn't usually do a great job coping without him.

But why open up to Susie, of all people? And why today? Did he just think he knew how she felt, and wanted to be the help for her that he wished to find for himself in someone? Or did something inside him urge him to be nice to people? Maybe it had something to do with his morning episode.

Whatever it was, at least Kris didn't have to focus on it as long as he interacted with his new friend.

* * *

"Crap, how long have we been in here?" Susie looked at the clock above the door. It was approximately quarter to twelve -just as it had been two hours ago, and just as it probably had been inside this abandoned classroom ever since the batteries ran out.

"I don't know, but now that you mention it, I am kinda hungry." Kris stood up with mild difficulty; his legs were a little numb because he'd been sitting on the floor for quite a while.

"I guess we should get going, huh? Your mom is probably looking for you."

"You think yours isn't?"

"I... I don't know. I'm not even sure I care, too."

"Oh."

The two of them left the classroom in awkward silence.

"Looks like everybody's gone," said Susie. "It really must be late. I completely forgot we were just playing there for a moment."

"Sorry."

"Ńah. I... had a good time, Kris. Thanks."

"Me too."

"Well... See you tomorrow, I guess."

She turned around to walk away, but changed her mind halfway through. Kris felt her hand on his right shoulder.

"Kris... let's go back there tomorrow, alright?"

"Um, sure! If you want to."

Susie smiled faintly, almost in a sad way, and left.

The dark yellow autumn sun shined through the corridors, and Kris felt like something was pushing him to go out there and start over. He didn't know _what_ he was supposed to start over, but it just seemed like a good time in general for second chances.

Then again, new encounters would frequently overwrite any and every history between Kris and others. With every swing of mood, every word spoken, it was as though he shifted between a couple of different worlds. And he didn't necessarily like most of them, but at least he could never remember them until he came back inside.

Case in point: Kris was initially really energetic and excited about life thanks to his playing session with Susie. He even had the guts to walk around the town and get back in touch with some of his old acquaintances, see how things were in their lives ever since he last spoke to them. But people still seemed to be associating him with Asriel more than with himself. There was no wonder: his brother was everything that Kris wished to be -talkative, entertaining, smart and big-hearted. Listening to everyone ask about Asriel soon convinced him that this was probably a bad idea after all.

But then, a strange thing happened on the way home. Kris spotted someone new: a monster in the shape of a human skeleton, which from the distance almost made him believe that it was actually a short human. He was just hanging out outside of what appeared to be a closed convenience store, standing in the place of... What even used to be inside this building? Kris had a vague recollection that there might have been a pub here, but obviously he'd never been inside so he wasn't entirely sure.

And upon inspecting the stranger for a second, he felt a weird pinch close to his heart, and he realised he just _knew_ who this guy was.

"well, look who's walkin' around," the stranger said as Kris approached him. "how are ya, kid?"

"I'm fine," he replied. "It's great to see you again."

"yeah, it's real nice, isn't it? especially considering i've never met you before," the monster said with a wink.

Kris was embarassed. _Why did I have to say 'again?'_ he asked himself. For a second, his mind was actually playing a trick on him, and he thought that the stranger was perhaps an old friend, someone way from the past.

 _Is he not?_ another voice inside him spoke up with confusion.

"the name's sans," the monster continued, unaware of the human's sudden unease. "sans the skeleton. i'm new in town."

"u-huh," he said, urging himself to snap out of it. "I'm Kris. Just Kris."

"welp, hello, kris. what's up?"

"Um... Nothing, really. Just wanted to greet you in here," Kris said, preparing to make a leave. The last bit of his social energy for the day just depleted, and he wished nothing more than to be safe at home.

"thanks, kid. i-"

"I'm going home now, bye!" he suddenly said and turned around. He didn't even register if Sans the skeleton said anything in response, and he didn't care at that point. All he wanted was to go, run far away, away from everyone to be alone, left without an opportunity to screw up ever again.

Some may have had called that an overreaction. Kris thought it was a natural, reasonable thing to do.

When he came home, he barely mustered enough strength to listen to mom's lecture about not returning phone calls with a straight face. He then disappeared upstairs in his room, collapsed onto his bed fully dressed and laid motionless. Susie, mom, Sans the skeleton -nobody existed anymore. There was just Kris and his own personal dark world, one that offered him, in a twisted sense, some kind of solace. It was a world which he was the most familiar with, and it was inviting him to come inside again, succumb to the solitude, let go of the ledge and just keep falling and falling...

It was way too late at night when Kris woke up. He didn't feel any more refreshed than before he passed out; if anything, he felt even more miserable. Empty, hopeless, unmotivated to maintain a life of his own.

This sudden change didn't catch him completely by surprise. It would happen occasionally. Sometimes with no apparent reason, sometimes being triggered by the tiniest bit of an inconvenience. But no matter how used he may or may not have been to it, it still sucked. The only change that Kris had noticed lately that his mood swings became more violent after Asriel abandoned him.

 _He didn't abandon you, you know?_ A voice in his head told him. _Just because he has a life of his own doesn't mean that you're not a part of it._

"What do you know about that, me?" Kris replied -in his thoughts, obviously.

 _Who said anything about a 'me?'_ the voice almost giggled.

Now this, this was definitely new. The boy stopped, suddenly concerned about what was going on inside of him. Sometimes he would have arguments with himself -or, rather, different parts of him would fight for control; but it was always in a figurative sense, it was just him alone trying to reason with reality and find some sense in the world. But having an _actual_ dialogue with another part of him? That was weird enough even for him.

Recalling the events of the last day, Kris even realised that this strange voice was with him _the whole time._ He woke up with it, he listened to its suggestion to spend the day with Susie, he reluctantly agreed to accompany it when it wanted to explore the town -and it was this voice that recognised Sans, a complete stranger.

"What is happening to me?" he thought to himself and buried his face in his hands. "Am I going crazy?"

 _Of course not!_ said the voice. _I just thought we might have some fun together._

"Shut up," Kris heard himself whisper. "Go away. I don't want you in my head."

 _Why not? I'm only trying to help you!_

"You're not a part of me. I won't let you tell me what to do with my life."

 _Did you not enjoy the time you spent with Susie? Was it not fun to talk to all those people? Your whole life could be like that!_

"Get... OUT!" The boy stood up in frustration, turned around and slammed the empty bird cage next to his bed with his fist. It hurt, but at least the pain helped him stay anchored in reality.

Kris was alone, and he was losing control. His entire body was living the pain and darkness surrounding his mind, and he felt like he could float away at any moment.

Why was this happening to him? Not just with the weird voice, but all these mood swings as well. He could change anytime, he didn't even know when, and it stressed the crap out of him. That was part of why he had been even more anti-social recently; without Asriel to protect him and remind him that he actually meant something, Kris was just anxious most of the time, scared that if others found out how completely insane he really was, they'd turn their backs on him. It just seemed easier to keep it all to himself and not bother anyone and the enjoyable lives that they had.

The problem was, there was no way he could hide the truth from himself. And each time he was overwhelmed by it, he needed to... maybe remind himself of the fact that he was actually _real?_ Attach his mind back to this world just so he wouldn't feel so lost somewhere in deep space, so deep that no stars have even discovered it yet? Whether it was this, or something else, Kris never cared enough to really seek out. All he wanted at the moment was to throw all of those anxious thoughts out of his brain, regardless of where they came from.

A couple of weeks ago, mom searched for one of her kitchen knives and did not find it. Little did she know that it was himself took it one evening when he was looking for a way out of his problems. He discovered that the physical pain helped him ease his thoughts, as though all the bad stuff left his body through a newly opened orifice. The knife has since then found a new home underneath the boy's bed.

Kris, teary-eyed, watched as his little collection of scars on his left forearm grew bigger by another one of the shallow red dripping lines.

He felt relieved.

And the voice was silent.


	3. 03 - Eye Sockets

**CHAPTER II: Eye Sockets**

This time it was even worse than the day before. Mom actually had to grab Kris by the shoulder and shake him into functioning.

"I swear you're getting sleepier and sleepier every morning," she chuckled as she was walking out the door. "Just like when you were little."

The boy sighed. Thankfully he had abandoned all of his short-sleeved shirts and pajamas weeks ago; he couldn't comprehend the thought of mom accidentally spotting his scars while he was sleeping.

Kris didn't feel any better than the previous day. He actually had no idea how much sleep he had actually gotten, having woken up several times in early morning hours. The only thing that was clear right off the bat was that school was off the board for him that day. He let mom drive him to school as usual -he didn't want to risk telling her that he would stay home. Either she'd tell him to stop being lazy, or he'd have to make up being sick or something, in which case mom would drag him to see a doctor and/or stay home with him making soup and reading stories.

Alternatively, as soon as she walked him into school, said goodbye and disappeared behind the corner, Kris simply turned around and walked in the opposite direction. Luckily nobody was paying attention to him as he swiftly left the building again, feeling no regrets except the one of purely existing. Subconsciously, the boy knew that he will have to somehow get inside the school sometime in the afternoon just to let mom pick him up again -how, he had no idea. Or maybe he could just tell her that he was once again spending time with...

 _Susie!_ he realised. Kris had a vague recollection that he agreed to play with her again... or, did he beg her to be his friend? He let out a quiet "hmph" -sometimes it was hard to distinguish between what actually happened and what he made up of it later on in his head.

Either way, he had the mercy to spare her from his shenanigans. He didn't know what he'd been thinking the other day -trying to get Susie to open up and be friendly? To _him_ of all people? What gave him the right to interfere with her life? He was... just a freak. A scared little baby inside a young man's body.

Kris decided that it was a brilliant idea to return back home and try to get some more sleep as a compensation for his miserable night. He took the long way round, through the park. He imagined the park would be nearly empty at this time of day, and he wanted to, if only for a short while, feel like the town didn't exist. In the park, it would be just him, the river, the trees, and possibly a noisy couple exchanging saliva. There was always one in every park at any given time.

The boy was also hoping that the talkative onion monster would still be asleep. They lived in the river and felt lonely most of the time; which they tried to mask by striking up a conversation with anyone who came by. Asriel would sometimes go to the river just to keep the monster company.

Gosh, Asriel. Why did his thoughts always end up with Asriel?

 _I should stop doing this to myself,_ he thought. _He left me here to rot away. He doesn't deserve that much space in my head._

Kris got consumed by the shade underneath the trees. Some amount of dead leaves was down on the ground already, but most of them were still hanging on to the branches. His favourite time of the year was coming up; there was something strangely satisfying about watching nature slowly fall into a coma, only to be reawaken next year. New beginnings always held the promise that this time, things would turn out better.

And if Kris could simply restart his own life, he gladly would.

It was hard growing up in this town, where he never felt like he belonged anywhere. His parents took care of him earlier than he could possibly remember, and they probably tried their best to give him a loving home. However, Kris didn't have the same sense of security whenever he stepped out of the door; he couldn't quite connect to any monsters outside of his home. And then things started to crumble: first, mom and dad split up, and now his brother was gone as well. Mom was literally the only person in the world who Kris felt somewhat close to, and as he was growing older, he felt like even this connection was beginning to spoil. He _needed_ her attention, but at the same time, when he got it, he was soon overwhelmed and kept pushing her away, and this frightened him.

If only there was anyone who could understand him. The boy thought that nobody else that he knew had such problems with just being alive, navigating themselves through normal, everyday life. From his point of view, others seemed almost hollow, never letting their emotions get the better of them, just maintaining the same directions through good times and bad times alike. For Kris, however, each new impulse meant a complete shift; and those impulses would often come solely from his own mind.

The boy came to the river and stood as close as he could to the water line; the lazy water was nearly kissing his shoes. He could barely see his reflection: a tall, skinny human being, hiding his facial expression behind the protective curtain of his long hair, scarring his arms and covering them in long sleeves... His whole body was a scream for help, but Kris didn't want to scream _too_ loud because then he'd just appear desperate. Besides...

He lifted his left foot just a little bit.

...nobody should have to deal with someone like him.

"i wouldn't do that if i were you, kiddo. this ain't the right weather to take a swim."

Kris breathed out and turned around. Sans the skeleton, the stranger from the day before, was looking at him from a distance, hands in his pockets, sporting an understanding smile, like he ate all of the world's wisdom for breakfast.

"Don't worry, I was just... thinking," he said to him.

The monster smirked. "i could see that. take a walk with me, whydon'tcha?"

Kris frowned. "Why?"

"i could try to pull your leg, but honestly, i promised someone i care about to keep an eye socket on you. and you _do_ look like you need someone to look after you. no offense."

The boy shrugged and approached Sans; he didn't really care at this point. "Whatever."

"wow, ok. that was easier than i thought." The monster turned and stepped forward, along the shore; Kris followed him. "you're way too gullible, going out with strangers like this."

"We're not strangers, we met yesterday."

"did we?" The skeleton's expression became focused for a moment, as though someone was telling him an important piece of information. "huh, that's neat. yup, sorry kid, my memory ain't what it used to be."

Kris took a good look on his companion. He could have sworn, when he saw Sans for the first time the other day, the monster appeared young -as young as a skeleton can possibly appear -strong and joyful. But that was probably another one of his brain's tricks; _this_ Sans walked slowly, had a little trouble breathing, had a slightly curved back like old people do, and something in his face told the boy that he had been through a lot during his life.

"so..." Sans spoke up after a while. "what's going through your mind, kris?"

"Nothing, really."

"you shouldn't lie, you know."

"I'm fine," Kris muttered. "I'm... not really feeling anything, honestly."

"i see. and that is why you're not in school right now." The monster's face spelled tranquility. "don't worry, buddy, i won't tell. i was never much for studying, either."

The words just flew right out of his mouth.

"I just couldn't handle it today, you know? You go to school, you meet people, and everybody is expecting you to _feel_ something, to be happy and sad, and laugh and cry, and people judge you by how you react all the time. Well, maybe I'm not in the mood to react to anything, you know? I don't even remember how one would do that."

Sans listened patiently. Kris was surprised by this; usually when he was talking to someone, he never had the feeling like they would actually care if he tried talking about the personal stuff. Or, rather, that they wouldn't understand. But this particular monster seemed eager to learn more about him, and he was immediately grateful for it.

"Who sent you?" he asked as he took in the oddity of the situation. "Was it my mom?I don't think anyone else would give a damn."

"wasn't your mother," Sans replied. "i don't think you know this person... although from what I'm hearing, you did meet yesterday."

"We did?"

"yup. you sorta freaked her out when she tried to approach you..." He paused. "sorry. we know you didn't mean it."

Kris blinked. "Who on Earth are you talking about?"

"meh, forgettaboutit. you'll meet her soon enough. but she told me that you... weren't feeling great yesterday."

"It wasn't Susie, was it? I can't think of anyone else who-"

"sorry, pal, i don't know any susie." Sans did his weird deeply-listening face. "oh, except she is your friend? uh, probably."

"I'm not so sure. We were supposed to meet today, but I... I guess I bailed on her. I'm not sure if I want to get attached to anyone again."

"well, that's... stupid." The skeleton chuckled without joy. "listen, it's not my place to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. but i think you're overcomplicating things way too much. i've... _we_ have been around for longer than you would think, and lemme tell you, the world is much simpler than people think."

"Can you just tell me who this second person is?" Kris said, starting to feel lowkey frustrated that he understood less and less about the whole thing.

"you wouldn't believe me if i told you. you'll get to know her in time."

"Okay, let me get this straight." The boy stopped walking and looked at Sans with crossed arms. "Two random people show up and suddenly start caring about what's going on in my little insignificant life, one of which I don't even remember meeting. Why?"

The skeleton sighed and smiled. "you're... a special kid, kris. we just think you deserve to be happy. that's what we've been doing for centuries, going around the world together and spreading happiness wherever we could. what's the point of being around that long if you don't use it to make the world a better place?"

"That's fair, I guess. But why me? There's thousands of people who have it way harder than I do."

"but they're not here, are they? you are."

Kris felt his apathy and resignation were passing. Perhaps it helped that someone forced themselves into his life when he felt like he should leave everybody alone. Or perhaps the mystery behind Sans and his unknown companion was enough distraction that the boy needed to stop drowning in his self-conscience for the time being.

The two of them approached the cascades -a short series of little waterfalls up the river -and stopped to look at them. The sun just went to hide behind the clouds, and the wind started to tear more leaves from the oak and birch trees that were growing in this area and glide them to the ground.

"so, about your friend susie..." Sans continued and made sure to emphasise the word 'friend'. "you said you didn't want to get attached, or something?"

Kris breathed in through his nose. "I don't know. I felt sorry for her and I thought she could use a friend. But what if we try and she realises that I'm not worth it?"

The skeleton looked at him. "who says you're not worth it?"

"The world, that's who!" The boy hopelessly flung his arms in the air.

Sans moved his hand as though he wanted to place his arm around Kris' shoulders, but changed his mind immediately -he probably thought he didn't need to violate his comfort zone much more. "you're gonna have to be more specific than that, kiddo," he said instead.

"Well, not counting the fact that my actual parents didn't want to raise me, mom and dad split years ago. I barely even get to talk to dad nowadays. And this year, my brother, Asriel-"

At first, Kris thought they were being shot at or something; Sans cried in pain and bent over. A brief flash of red color shot from his eyes.

The boy flinched. "What's going-"

"geez, calm down, kid!" the skeleton said in forced comforting voice and cackled. "i know this is big, but we knew it was coming."

"I don't understand-"

"not now, kris. kiddo," the monster continued, and Kris realised he was talking to himself. "i know. we did it. but let's not freak out, alright?"

The human watched helplessly as Sans slowly regained his posture, and the glow from his eye was gone. He then took a deep breath and looked at freaked out Kris.

"i'm really sorry about this," he said. "i know you're confused, kris. but believe me, you're not ready to know all of our secrets."

"Don't patronise me!" Kris has had just enough. "Either you at least _try_ to make sense, or I'm going home. You think you can just show up and talk to me like you know what I'm feeling-"

Sans closed his eyes, shivered, and narrowed his back a little bit.

 _Leave it be, Kris,_ the boy suddenly heard in his head. _We're sorry about all this, but please, just give us a chance._

He shut his mouth and looked at the monster.

"What the f%§k is going on here?" he asked quietly. "Are you doing _this,_ too?"

"umm..." Sans scratched the back of his head. "not really, but..."

Kris groaned, turned around, and took a couple of brief steps, ready to just go into his bed and pretend like nothing of this ever happened.

"do you know the concept of timelines?"

He stopped, but kept facing the opposite direction.

"Sort of," he answered. "Alternative universes and all that stuff? Like, each time something happens, a new universe is created where it happens differently? That's a weird theory."

"not theory." Sans walked to his side again, looking just the same way as before. "you were mistaken, buddy. we didn't really meet yesterday. you just saw the right version of me."

Kris looked at him and blinked, silently demanding an explanation.

"we're from a different timeline," said the skeleton and allowed himself to put on a proud expression. "we found our way into this world long ago, when your dad was just a toddler. five hundred years or so."

 _Five hundred and twenty eight,_ the voice in his head added. _Sans was never one to care about details._


	4. An Author's Apology

_I feel like I owe you guys an explanation._

 _This was supposed to be a story about borderline personality disorder. If you've been reading my Vocaloid fanfic called Vocaloids: Behind The Curtain (which you can find on my profile), you know that I'm no stranger to the topic of mental health. I originally wanted to write this story to raise awareness of one particular mental illness that I'm familiar with. I have a handful of friends who have this disorder, I love them all and I think the world deserves to know what it's like._

 _That being said, I cannot continue writing this fanfic. Digging into the specifics of BPD has been like playing with fire for me, and I no longer see it as the correct way to approach this subject. I realised that anything I could say about it through this story would end up sounding either parodic, or way too incomprehensive. Besides, I don't want to write about something that I can barely even understand.  
_

 _That is why, out of respect for my friends, this story will remain unfinished._

 _Thank you for your understanding._

 _-GJ-_


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